Remembering More Scale Model Ads from Comic Books

Is it me, or does anything pre-2020 seem like a lifetime ago? I remember those days fondly. It was a simpler time. Part of me believes we can get back to those days when we could have normal conversations and lick doorknobs without fear of possible repercussions. Ahh nostalgia.

Speaking of which, a few years ago, I wrote a little piece called “Remember Model Ads in Comic Books.” I sure enjoyed going through the old comics and digging up these little treasures in advertising. At this time, my hobby studio is in ten thousand pieces while I plan its triumphant return. I’m sorry to say that nothing is getting built for the next little while. So, while I figure out how to vent my paint booth and drill through brick, I figure it’s high time we go back to the comic book well and have some fun.

Here are some more awesome and, at times, confusing scale model ads from comic books:

I’m Not Falling for That One…Again

Ok, there is a lot to unpack here, and it’s a bit weird. It’s almost like there are two completely different ads within each panel. The ad copy was an appeal to those who are looking for superior models: ‘Want authenticity? Looking for detail? Then look no further than MPC!‘ But what 8 year old is going to read four paragraphs of dense sales pitch?

None that I know! Maybe that was the point. Because the art department went with the tried and true (if not disturbingly misleading): “Chicks dig scale model builders!” Notice how the first builder is an awkward ginger who can barely tie his shoes? The second one is just as ginger, but to kick it up a notch, MPC added the thick nerdy glasses. I’m surprised they didn’t go all-in with an ascot or at least a bow tie and suspenders.

No way those two Poindexters are getting any female attention on their own. But with some big MPC models, those nerds become Magnum P.I.! Buy an MPC Corvette, and you will have to fight off multiple chicks!

Did MPC know its market? Those “Skinny shmuck at the beach” comic book ads made Charles Atlas a millionaire. Pumping iron, I get. But pairing model-making with sex appeal? Come on now, we scale modelers would see through that in two seconds. We were way too smart to be swayed by this sort of BS back in the 80s. Surely no model manufacturer would ever try that again today…

Sigh…

Um…I’m a little confused

“Like a load of ripe watermelon headin’ for the Boy Scout Jamboree.”

Um, ok… What the hell does that mean? Full disclosure: this is before my time. So, I dunno. Maybe this was a saying in the 70s. Maybe it was coined by the ever-folksy LBJ! Did straight-laced Apollo astronauts scream this at liftoff?

Next time I see that old dude walk by my place, I’ll ask him.

Anyway, these kits remind me a little of the ‘Toons’ we have today: something fun and easy to put together. They probably required no costly license fees either. It wouldn’t surprise me if the model aficionados poo-pooed these ‘made up’ models. Maybe Monogram had to market them to kids suffering from ADD or kids addicted to afterschool cable TV? “We promise that anyone can build these and be done in 45 minutes! Maybe less than 30! C’mon, kid, don’t bother with all the parts... That way, you can build it, chuck it at your sister, and go back to Bonanza in 20 measly minutes!”

Personally, I think they missed the mark with the “No Paint. No Glue.” bit. As a kid, I was totally addicted to TV. But I also loved slapping kits together with stringy tube glue, and my testors block bottle paints. I mean, that was the best part! How else was I going to spill enamel paint on the carpet and smear glue all over the table? Yeah, I did that a few times.

Huh, now that I think about it, I’m kinda surprised my parents didn’t kill me or send me off to some Boy Scout Jamboree like a ripe watermelon.

They Can’t Sell ‘Em Like They Used To!

I’ll take ‘Stuff you can’t advertise to kids post 1990, Alex!’

Please tell me I could also get the ‘Marlboro King Sized Shmokin’ Pick-Up‘ and the ‘Jack Daniel’s Bourbon Drenched Angry-Fighty Chopper‘ in the same collection.

Chubby Linus, with his flushed skin and tussled hair, looks like he might have chugged a few already. Poor kid. Yup, nothing like pairing childhood innocence with a little early-onset cirrhosis. After all, “It’s the greatest!” Well, hopefully, he can sleep it off before tackling those 40 chrome plated parts. What a pain those were. I never could get the plated parts to stick properly.

Anyhow, I am sure Monogram soon realized their misstep, made some adjustments to their designs, and cleaned up their act…

Oh god…

Wait, I can win what?

Are you kidding me? Who wouldn’t want to win their very own Gemini capsule! Oh man, that would have been so sweet. I’d have moved into the thing. Except this ‘contest’ is less of a sweepstakes and more of a ruse. Let me explain…

See, the ad shows a fine young man inside a capsule cockpit. Note the pose. That pose, my friends, is an “I own this bitch!” pose if I ever saw one. And look at that ad copy with all that suggestive ownership language:

• No put on; this is for real;
• YOUR Gemini capsule; and
• when YOU win…

Now, let’s read some of that childhood-ending fine print, shall we? Nope, YOU won’t get this capsule; those jerks at city hall will get it. All you’ll get is a picture with a balding and forgettable city official. Oh, and a free guitar. Big deal. Also, Revell is pretty light on the details. What happens if the city doesn’t want the pseudo-Gemini? What if you live in a small town? Do you really think North Haverbrook is getting some air-lifted Gemini capsule and a ticker tape parade? Don’t hold your breath, chump.

Tell you what, Revell – how about you “Get with it” and give us a real contest with some real prizes?

Now that’s more like it!

(Aside: Is it me, or does R2 look so boss with those stacks in front of him. Makes you think, doesn’t it? What were they ‘growing’ on Uncle Owen’s “farm” out there…. in the middle of the desert… with no close neighbors. Hmmm.)

The key thing here is the idea of winning a sweet five grand! That’s a ton of models! Hell, back then, it was an entire college education! Hot damn, five grand! Yup, that would definitely get me to build an MPC kit.

Screw you, Revell, and screw your non-prize fakey fake Gemini. Hello, MPC’s big money!

Now, hold on a second. A lot is going on in this ad. First off, chain guard or not, I strongly doubt Billy Broadpants will be on that bike more than 10 feet wearing those cuffed bell bottoms. And plaid pants? Really? I know this ad was published smack in the middle of the worst decade (fashion and home décor wise) in the history of the planet, but surely they could have dressed these kids in some chinos and called it a day.

Now, more importantly: I can win a car?!? Not some silly go-cart thing, but an actual, street-legal CAR! That right there is enough to forgive those flared slacks and heeled boots on L’il Red.

Oh yeah, now I’m chucking those MPC kits right in the trash where they belong! Monogram, here I come! Daddy needs a new car!

WHAAAAAAT??!?!?!?!

Are you telling me that if I bought a model kit for $2 back in the day, I’d have a chance to win my own freakin’ Cessna 150?!? AND they pay for flight school?!?! Hell, yes I’d be buying kits. I’d build the entire Revell library twice… Hell, I’d have let them tattoo that logo on me for a chance at that Cessna. Even the boat is a seriously amazing prize.

Oh, yeah – Screw you, Monogram, and your cheap wonky car!

And um, yeah… Sorry Revell! I didn’t mean what I said before about the completely fake capsule and your total BS bait-and-switch fine print. All is forgiven. I’m fully on your team now!

Last Thing

I used to laugh at Boomers who longed for a return to the 1960s. I always equated that time to smelly hippies, civil unrest, and disturbingly unkempt hair. Certainly not a period worthy enough to drone on about for days.

But now, I am not so sure. A model builder could win an airplane? Surely nothing could top a contest where a kid can fly off in his or her own Cessna. What sort of contest prizes do we have these days from model manufacturers? I’m scratching my head at that one. I really can’t think of any. If you know of any, please let me know in the comments.

As I was finishing this post, I thought to myself, “Maybe THIS is why some old guys have massive stashes filled with Monogram and Revell kits from the golden era!” If that’s the case, I get it now.